Music is self-reflection for my soul

A relationship has no rules. Rules are for those who play games but is relationship a game? In today's hook up culture, relationships are akin to games and unwittingly, I've been sucked into the game forgetting what a proper relationship is all about. Treating relationships like games is my downfall because love is unconditional.

Love is blind and makes people do illogical things. It is contrary to human's basic instinct of self-survival. Love is what makes people put others ahead of themselves. So how do something so illogical co-exist with something driven by self-interest?

For example, love is unconditional that no matter how much a person hurts you, if you still love them, you will still want them back. The question is: how much are you willing to take before severing the ropes of the relationship? The other perspective would be how stupid can you get that you are willing to let someone use and trample over you AGAIN? When will you learn your lesson, wake up and stop being so stupid? Don't let him use you AGAIN.

John Legend's All of Me resonates with me especially the part where he goes "even when I lose, I'm winning, cause I give you all of me".

It makes me think back to my own relationships where I have held myself back. For example, do I call him or do I wait for him to call first? This is driven by the fear of "losing". Ultimately, relationships scare me because I can't let go completely to give all of me to someone who has the potential to take all of me AND hurt me.

Even when I let someone into my world, I still hold myself back for fear that he would not like who I truly am. The result is people who enter my world don't know me and they judge who I am on the superficial level which frustrates me because that is not who I am. Then it hit me that it's because that's all of me that I let them see and they realize that it's time to let go because I am not who I am.

Suddenly, John Legend's voice pops up again. "All of me loves all of you, love your curves and edges, all your perfect imperfections."

A proper relationship starts from being who I truly am. I would rather he loves me along with all my strengths and weaknesses than the facade of me. This means I have to start being comfortable being me though it is akin to being comfortable naked. I'm not entirely comfortable with it but I will get there eventually.